Fix Your Relationship

engagementring3There are lots of important question that one’s needs to ask and address if you know how to go about mending your relationships. Even under the best of circumstances it can still be somewhat difficult to mend a relationship. And that it is why is dimmed very important to know the right questions to ask and seek the right answer.

It is most likely that you will not find it easy. The tendency is there for us not to want to face all the difficult questions involved in mending our relationship even if we know how to go about mending it. The next thing is to pretend that the problems don’t exist and avoid addressing all the necessary questions.

The problems in relationships never go away on their own so trying to overlook them of pretend they don’t exist cam make it more challenging. To state the facts when you fail to put the needed effort into solving a problem after realizing what the problems is, tantamount to being irresponsible.

You should endeavor to ask yourself four important question if you must the way to fix your relationship.

1. What do you desire from the relationship?

This question is very important and should be addressed and answered very early into the relationship. It is dimmed very important for both parties needs to absolutely sure about their expectations from the relationship so they can be able to deduce how compatible they are.

2. When did we experience our best times together?

How both party views the relationship is another important factor. So you must know how to fix your relationship you should able to know how you and your partner view the relationship. Being able to know the different good times of the relationship will help in identify the times when thing went off track

3. What areas of the relationship are you dissatisfied with?

The third question as regards mending a relationship should be addressed with extreme caution. You should place your emotions on check and try as much as possible not to apportion blame to each other whenever problems arise. It is important to get to know where you both stand and know the areas you are satisfied and dissatisfied with. Getting to know this is very important in a relationship.

4. Which direction is the relationship going?

The final questions in knowing how to fix your relationship is finding out from each the direction you both think the relationship is going. Getting the answer to this question will help in knowing how you are dong as a couple. If for some reason one party thinks that the relationship is doomed it is important for the other so know this so that necessary steps will be taken to address to mend the relationship.

It is very important to keep and adhere to the tips in these article. They can indeed prove help in going about identify the problems in relationship and equally how to go about mending and patching up the cracks in a relationship.

Can Rebound Relationship Work

engagementring2Many people get into a rebound relationship because they feel that they had unfinished things in the relationship.

Can rebound relationship work if you are not clear of your needs and why you are going back into the relationship, is it for love, security, freedom or a fear of being alone?


When you get into a relationship be it short or long term you are not set out to have a rebound relationship, your purpose is to build something long and it is only with time getting to know each other you will.

When your relationship finishes you may feel as if a bulldozer had run over you, it may take you a long time to get through the days ahead especially if you were not expecting to break up.

It would seem you do not have to wait a long time for you to feel the deep feelings of love for another.

Looking to fulfill your hole

You may feel that the pain of the break up is too difficult for you and you may reach out for support from another.

If you lose yourself in another relationship so the pain of the first you hope will subside there is no guarantee that it will last.

Majority of relationship that are form after a break up do not last and it is no ones fault.

Hoping to fulfill the hole that you feel within cannot be fulfill by another.

Some get into rebound relationship to show to their ex that they are not feeling the pain of the relationship that was ended.

Whose truth?

When you hear from others that rebound relationships never last this is not true, let’s say the majority of rebound relationship does not work out that is truth.

Can it work

One of the reason why rebound relationship may not work is you are in another relationship and you are still missing, hurting for the other person, and the right thing to do would be to get some counselling to heal your problem.

If the person was already letting go of the relationship while they were in it because they have tried but to no end, they felt that the relationship can’t go any further and they started the letting go within.

When they meet the other person in a rebound way they had already done their grieving.

Rebound relationship can work if you have done some work on yourself.
It can work if you are not looking for the other person to fulfill you or be a substitute for your pass relationship.

Allow yourself to not bring your problems that you had in the past into your new relationship.

Do not expect the other person will act like your ex.

Give yourself and the relationship time to develop and start fulfilling your need.

Relationship Coach Example of How One Partner Can Help Both

engagementring4If your partner is distant, cold, and rejecting, how could working on the relationship by yourself possibly make a difference? In this real life example from a relationship coach, we can see one way it could.

Many people have either wounds from the past that continue to hurt or they have areas of their life that are screaming for attention. It could be a history of abuse, a need for friends, financial problems, career concerns, or any number of things.

When we find a partner while we still have such problems, it does help us to feel better. It’s like having someone carry you while you have a thorn in your shoe. As long as your partner takes you to where you want to go and is constantly available for you, then all is well. But, if you have to stand on your own two feet–even for a little while, the pain becomes unbearable. Susan (not her real name) had just such a problem.

Susan had a history of social problems since Junior High School. She was never able to make close friends. She had had a couple of friends for a while, but those relationships had gone badly. When Susan met Erik, she believed that her loneliness was over. She thought that she and Erik would always be together. Whenever they were together, Susan no longer felt that loneliness that she had for many years. She felt loved and important.

After a while, though, Susan and Erik started having problems. Erik would sometimes like to do things with his friends without Susan. At those times, Susan would feel it was “unfair” because she had no friends of her own. She also felt that Erik was abandoning her. She saw his desire to spend time with his friends as an undeserved rejection of her. It made her angry and resentful. Yet, she was also afraid of losing Erik because then she would have no one.

Erik was also becoming resentful. He cared about Susan, but didn’t want to give up the fun that he had with his friends. He was also feeling like Susan was demanding that he spend more and more time with her. Their relationship was not fun anymore. This made him withdraw from Susan. Susan experienced the withdrawal as more rejection and became even more demanding. Erik, then felt like withdrawing more. Even when he was with Susan, he didn’t feel the same affection for her that he once did.

Even after Erik and Susan broke up, Susan continued to blame Erik and was angry with him long after he had moved on to someone else. She told herself that Erik had used her–at first only pretending to be interested in her and then later dumping her for his friends and for another woman.

Susan had had two chances to have a great relationship with Erik. The first was before they began their relationship. If Susan had worked with a relationship coach or counselor and learned to make friends, then she would not have been needy when she became involved with Erik. She wouldn’t have felt desperate or rejected when he spent time with his friends. Erik would not have felt like he was being pressured to take care of her needs at his expense.

Susan had another chance to make her relationship with Erik better during her relationship with him. Susan had considered counseling, but because Erik would not also go, she gave up on it. She thought, how could Erik learn the error of his ways if he didn’t attend counseling? Had she had relationship coaching she would have learned more about balancing her social needs by making some friends of her own. Even if Erik were at fault, having friends of her own would surely have made her less dependent and resentful. Erik also, would not have felt like withdrawing. Working on herself, Susan could have created a better relationship with Erik.

There were of course, things that Erik could have done to help the relationship. But, by taking no responsibility for her relationship problems, Susan also became responsible for their breakup. After Erik left her, she soon found another man whom she repeated the same pattern with.

Regardless of the cause of a relationship problem, positive change only needs to begin with one person. Realizing that and working with a relationship coach, you can have a major turnaround in your relationship. If you are waiting for your partner to go to counseling or to make a change, aren’t you also the one who is keeping the relationship stuck? If there is anything that you could do to help your relationship, isn’t it time to do it?

How To Get Into A Relationship

Relationships are really what makes the world go ’round, aren’t they? I mean, good, positive, healthy and meaningful relationships provide us with the richest experiences we have here on this old earth of ours. Your loving spouse who shares everything with you; that best friend who connects with you like few others do; the people at work who appreciate you and help you to become the best that you can be; This is what brings joy to life!

But… relationships can also be the bane of our existence! What really brings more pain in this life than a broken relationship, especially when it isn’t just broken but downright ugly!

So, it behooves us to do all that we can to keep our relationships zipping right along, doesn’t it? If we put our very best into our relationships we can almost guarantee getting the very best out of our relationships!

Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people in their relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships and social relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things and some terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly!

But I have been able to find three core elements of successful relationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to create for you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kinds of relationships you have always dreamed of.

The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. stands for three things you can do – and begin to do immediately – to improve any and all of your relationships. They are:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these three:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn ‘t have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren’t supposed to have a little zest in them!

Think about it: Don’t you usually start out most healthy relationships with a lot of fun times. Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, or spending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually have fun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bonds the relationship.

But as life goes on, specifically in a marriage, but in all relationships really, the fun starts to go by the wayside. More and more it is about getting the job done, whatever the job may be.

To restore the relationship, to put a little zip into it, we need to reintroduce the idea of “zest.”

What about you? Have you lost the zest? What can you do to get it back? Think of a specific relationship you have: What were the fun things you did at the beginning of the relationship that acted as the glue that bonded you together? Now, commit to doing those again and see if your relationship doesn’t begin to soar again! If you can, develop new fun things to do together so you can both start an adventure of fun together!

Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.

First a couple of clarifications: One, I don’t just mean intimacy in the currently common understanding, that is, sexual intimacy. I mean for all intents and purposes, taking your relationship to a deeper level. Second, I don’t mean that you have to start doing group hugs with your workmates or having revelation sessions where the tissue flows freely.

What I do mean is that every relationship that is mutually satisfying has a level of depth to it that provides meaning. This is really what the search is for in our relationships: meaning.

Remember when you first started your relationship, whether with your spouse or friend. All of that time was spent opening up, telling who you are, where you were from, what your likes and dislikes are. There was a deep sense of satisfaction with the relationship – that is why it continued. You liked who they were and you enjoyed being known by them.

But then something happens. We get to a certain level and the pursuit of depth ends. We stop sharing feeling, likes, and dislikes. We stop sharing joys and dreams and fears. Instead, we settle into routine. The daily grind takes over and we stop knowing one another and we simply exist together. Now don’t get me wrong, every time you get together doesn’t have to be deep. Remember, I am the one who advocates in the previous paragraphs just having plain old fun sometimes. But there is a need for regular times of intimate connection where we go deeper with others.

This is particularly hard for many of the male species like myself but it is not only possible but healthy and needed! If we want to have the kinds of relationship we were made to have, we have to open ourselves up to having others know us and for us to know others.

True meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for whom we are at our core, not simply for acting the right way in our relationships so as to keep the other person in it.

Think about the relationships you would like to see improvement in. Take some time in the coming weeks and months to spend time just talking and getting to a deeper level in your relationship. Specifically, let the other person deeper into your world. You can’t force the other person to be more intimate and you certainly can’t say, “Let’s get together and have an intimate conversation,” because that would be too contrived. But you can make a decision for yourself that you will let others into your world. Perhaps this will be the catalyst for them doing the same.

You can guard yourself from intimacy but then you won’t go much deeper and you will feel a longing in your heart for more, or you can begin the deepening process and see your relationships change for the better.

Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

The most meaningful relationships we have are those that are held together by a common purpose and vision for what the relationship can accomplish, not only for those involved but also for a greater good.

Let’s face it, when people have a common purpose they feel like they are part of a team and they feel bound together in that relationship. Even when people may be disappointed in the people they are in relationship with, if they have a purpose, such as raising the children, they are much more likely to stick it out. Purpose creates bonds.

So what happens if we are proactively involved in seeking out a common purpose with those who we want to have a relationship with or those who we already have a relationship with but we would like to see it go deeper with? Well, it gets better and stronger.

Think about your strongest relationships. Aren’t they centered around at least one area of purpose or a common goal?

What about a relationship that has cooled? Think back and see if perhaps you used to have a common purpose but it has gone by the wayside.

And what of your desire to see a relationship grow? Take some time to begin to cultivate a common purpose. Sit down with that person and tell them that you would like to have some common goals, some purposes that you pursue together. As you develop these, you will see your relationship strengthen in ways you never imagined!

Let’s recap: You want your relationships to show a little “zip?” Then put a little Z.I.P. in them:

Put some ZEST into your relationships. Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.

Chris Widener is an Internationally recognized speaker, author and radio host. He has authored over 450 articles and nine books, including a New York Times and Wall Street Journal Best-seller. He has produced over 85 CDs and DVDs on leadership, motivation and success In addition to being a featured contributing editor to the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan, Chris is a regular guest speaker receiving rave reviews! Chris demonstrates a style that is engaging and versatile while providing life-changing principles of leadership, motivation and success.

Methods For How To Save A Relationship

As social animals humans feel a basic need to come together in groups of all sizes. The most important of these social groups is the one on one relationship. While this relationship holds an incredible amount of sway over our lives, the intimate nature of it can make it unstable.

When problems do arise your first task is to identify where the problem is coming from. It can be difficult at times to see what is causing the stress on your relationship and might require you to address many issues your haven’t paid attention to before. This can be a painful process because you might be required to look at aspects of your relationship which you do not want too.

Once the problem is identified you must then establish your feelings on the situation. Rationality is what you must strive for here. Problems can and usually will lead to the rise of strong emotions, your do not want to suppress these, but rather have them work in tandem with rationality. By keeping a level head you put yourself in control of your individual situation.

Communication is key. A good relationship is built on a foundation of constant communicating. Your partner might see the problem to begin with. Its important to remember that during this initial discussion that you must be sensitive and understanding towards your partner who might have a tendency to feel attacked. This initial communication will help to put your both on the same page, making further discussion much easier.

When you do begin discussion with your partner you must harden yourself. When faced with the emotions that come from confrontation many people might use words which they don’t truly mean. Do not allow what is said to break the rational mindset you established before. You must also remember that while passion can lead to hateful words being used when they aren’t truly meant, there will be situations where you must take what is said to heart.

You must then reach a pivotal point. You must decide whether or not your partner feels that your relationship is worth saving. When faced with a problem a partner might come to an epiphany that the relationship, in their eyes, had ended long ago. If you truly wish to save the relationship its your job to either make them see that it isn’t over, or make them see the importance of your relationship all over again.

You can decide which course of action is best by looking at your past. If your relationship has withstood hardships before it is very strong. By reminding your partner of these hardships you can make them see that your relationship has something special. If you are concerned that you don’t have this inherent strength you must rebuild by going back to when you first met and bringing up those old emotions to rekindle the fire.

The road to rebuilding a relationship can be very hard to navigate, but you can make it easier by doing the few key things established here. A rational mind with a dedication to communication will help open up your partner and make rebuilding possible. While going through all the twists and turns of saving your relationship you must also practice intense understanding by not repressing your partner. With these simple steps the road to a saved relationship can be made a walk in the park.

Tips For Successfully Rescuing Your Relationship

Men and women in relationships experience difficulties at certain times. The factors that contribute to these difficulties should be identified, especially when trying to rescue relationships.

People have relationships in different degrees. This would include relationships with:

– our parents
– siblings
– friends
– special someone
– colleagues
– bosses
– even with our pets

All these relationships need effort and responsibility. It needs to be maintained in some level or degree. Sometimes it needs to be rescued when on verge of failure. These tips may help you on how you can make your relationship work when at the verge of failing.


If you don’t believe and accept this, your relationship will get ruined before you can actually rescue it. Although you may have negative perceptions on things, in connection with your relationship, everything can work out at the right time.

For cases wherein you have tried everything, making you fed up and feel tired, you may even say that your relationship failed. Of course, you feel defeated. All these thoughts will make your relationship lifeless. Before this happens, try to make up your mind.

You must give yourself a second chance. Although you are hurt, disappointed, and devastated, you need to wish to make your relationship survive. You need to feel good about your relationship again. That’s all you actually need.

It is only right for you to wish to feel loving towards that person again. You know that once in your life, you felt those emotions already. This is a very good feeling. It will serve as small ember where big fires of love will spark.


If you feel discouraged and confused at this moment, you may also feel lonesome that you have a failing relationship. You can also feel an overwhelming hurt or problem that may get deeper. In this situations, just remember that you are not alone.

You can seek help from counselors who can be with you throughout this ordeal. He can walk with you in this network of emotion. He can relate without judgment or condemnation. He will be willing to tell you the truth.

Seek someone who has helped people build and preserve the key relationships in their lives. Look for someone who will meet you at whatever point. Seek someone who will give you the power to make changes.

When you feel closer to your success, you will have the courage to get the real deal with your self. Hence, here are Five Major Steps in Rescuing your Relationship:


You cannot precisely define what is wrong with your relationship. This is unless you know where your relationship is now. When you know where it is, you will set reasonable goals for change.

Take your self and your relationship to a whole new degree. Once you know the problem, that’s when you can figure out what the solution is. You will be awed when you know what power this knowledge can give you.


You suffered not because of the absence of information. You suffered because you poisoned your mind with wrong information. This wrong information has sent you to the wrong road. You continue wrong alternatives so as to wrongly address the defined problems. When you misdiagnose the problem, you mistakenly embraced wrong thinking. You live in a life where you are giving the wrong treatment to the wrong problem.


It will be important to know your own negative attitude and behavior. Know the specific ways you can do severe harm to your own relationship. In short, don’t point your finger at your partner if you are the one who has done big mistakes in your relationship.

You find plenty of things you need to fix with your self before you can ever get to focus on your partner. Once you acknowledge this, you will be able to start shaping it into what you want. Once you know that you are on focus, it will be great because you can then control your self.


This will become the new foundation of your relationship. Personal Relationship Values will lead you back to your own self. It will tune you up emotionally towards the best part of your self. It will set your behavior by giving your partner positive things to react to.


This is the specific formula for a successful relationship.

Relationship Coach Recommends These 10 Steps to Keep Your Relationship Healthy

There are two times that people put the most effort into a relationship–at the beginning, and at the end. At the beginning, we want so much to spend time together that we will make time to do whatever it takes. At the end of a relationship, we spend a lot of effort just to keep ourselves together while our relationship is falling apart. Many people learn too late that the most important time to work on a relationship is . . . every day. Because, while choosing a good partner is essential, just committing to someone does not ensure years of happiness.

To continue to reap the rewards of a great relationship, there is a continual amount of work that must be done. Just as a farmer cannot sow his seeds and sit back until they mature, so it is that we cannot expect an initial commitment to carry us to a great relationship.

Following these 10 steps will help to keep your relationship healthy and thriving:

1. Give and take–Couples who have been married 50 years or more say that the number one reason their marriages have survived is “give and take.” There are times that our needs must be met, but there are also times when we need to sacrifice for the sake of our partner (and our relationship).

2. Dating–Dating is not just for meeting people. It is the number one ingredient in keeping a marriage fun. The more children there are in a relationship, the greater the need for dating. Dating can be defined as doing something enjoyable with your partner, outside the home, without the kids. One time a week is minimal for most couples.

3. Love is given–Love needs to be demonstrated in ways that are perceived as loving by our partner. Just to feel like we love our partner is not enough to keep their love tank full. For some, loving is receiving gifts or favors; for others physical touch or sex; and for others it is doing activities together. Just because we like something doesn’t mean our partner does. Love must be given in a way that it can be received.

4. Trust is earned–Without trust there can be no intimacy in a relationship. Trust, unlike love, is not given but can only be earned. We earn our partner’s trust by following through on our commitments and consistently behaving in a way that is good for our relationship.

5. Communicate honestly–Lack of honest communication indicates lack of trust or insecurity. Either is detrimental to a relationship. To be honest with each other means that there must be a freedom to express ideas that your partner does not like and does not have to like. When we agree that listening does not necessitate agreement, it is easier to be open and honest with each other.

6. Use the power of visualization–We can only achieve what we can conceive. The way you think about your partner and your future together will impact the way you feel and behave toward each other. Negative images must lead to corrective action or be replaced with positive ones. Positive thinking about your partner puts a gleam in your eye which is apparent to your partner.

7. Make your needs known–Eliminate all complaining by changing your complaints to requests. Requests risk rejection, but complaints guarantee it. Do you really want your spouse to stop watching TV or are you really wanting your spouse to sit and talk with you? Ask your spouse to sit and talk with you rather than complaining about his or her TV viewing.

8. Agree–Rather than listening for the part of what your partner is saying that you disagree with and then debating about it, listen for what your partner is saying that you agree with. Sometimes partners feel like you are looking for something to pick at because you only comment when you disagree. Frequent agreement will make the disagreements more tolerable.

9. Go the extra step–The little bit extra that we do for any job or relationship makes all the difference both in early dating and in maintaining the relationship. Make your spouse’s lunch? Include a little love note. Greet your spouse with a kiss? Kiss his or her neck too. Whatever you do, think about how you can add just a little more to make it special.

10. Make a relationship plan–Living from day to day without any goals for the future leads to routine, stagnation, boredom, or burnout. When you and your partner are working on goals together, you share something that the rest of the world doesn’t have. And that creates a special world for the two of you.

Just as it’s easier to change your car oil than to replace the transmission, so it is easier to work on your relationship before problems occur. Being in love has never been enough to maintain a long term relationship. Doing what it takes to have a good long term relationship, however, will increase your feelings of love. Working one on one with a relationship coach will give you more specific ways to address issues important to your relationship. Success can happen if you make it happen.